The Unexpected is The New Normal

OR HAS IT ALWAYS BEEN? 

I accidentally bumped into a three year old picture of me in a somewhat funny but fierce goddess-asana by the poolside in Bali sometime during the alert months of Mount Agung’s supposed-to-be eruption. I remember the times were very unsettling for me. I was healing from a divorce, finding my way of living in tumultuous times on my own in a foreign country, but my fire was burning high as you can see (like in the depths of the volcano that then never erupted so far). 

I recall being utterly tired at the uncertainties of the situations and circumstances when I didn’t know if/how and when I should leave the island or not. Will I survive by teaching yoga to all the time diminishing amount of expats and tourists. My heart was a mess, my mind very noisy and worried but I felt somehow more alive than ever, because through all these circumstances I was finding myself. In hindsight those fiery months as we brewed the fire side by side with the majestic Mount Agung were one of the most meaningful periods in my life so far. I noticed that I can be independent and find my way in the world on my own. Highly important notions for sure. 

And yet still - deep inside, I was consumed by the constant un-knowing how things will be. Hence I remember typing the text on top of the picture. Like a fed up teenager, rebelling against the fact that we can NEVER control life and outcomes of our choices.

It almost made me laugh when I saw this picture three years later. It felt kind of naive and funny in the face of the uncertainties that we have to nowadays deal with. It just so clearly underlines the fact that there’s always work to be done to be more courageous to let things unfold as they will without trying to control the outcomes. Whatever the situation is, our human mind interprets it bigger than it actually is, if we can’t look at it with objectivity and from the bird’s-eye view. I have a confession to make - I quite often can’t.  I’m so easily devoured by my mind’s stories and you might be too. Am I right?

There’s no way out but through. The surrendering to fully feel what is and navigating the best we can from the current situation is so easily said, but so hard to do. It’s a constant dance, and those who claim to master it hundred percent, I envy you. But I also doubt you. We are having a human experience here on this planet and our human experience often is messy. 

The art of surrendering can be practiced for sure. Step by step by different methods, by learning to trust life, by connecting to our deepest self through yoga and meditation practice and just keeping our minds and hearts open to what IS instead of how we wanted it to be. By connecting authentically to others and by seeing the little good things in the situation no matter how bad it is. It’s definitely not easy and I don’t claim I’m even close to that yet. I’m just rejoicing when I NOTICE myself being trapped by the stories in my mind. That’s the first and the most significant step! If that noticing would change my actions to a more constructive manner in a given situation even 1 time out of 10, it feels like another lesson learned. Just the consciousness of our thoughts and actions is a game changer. It is a beginning of yet another path - to The New Unexpected, what ever it is. Who knows, there might come a time when we look back on these times with the same kind of tenderness and deeper understanding of what was really happening.

Ps. This poem by Danna Faulds has been absolutely one of my dearest, heartfelt yet hardest reminders on stumbling my way to embrace the unexpected. I wanna share it with you, because it just might give us some hope on these turbulent times

ALLOW  by DONNA FAULDS

There’s no controlling life. 

Try corralling a lightning bolt, containing a tornado.

Dam a stream and it will create a new channel.

Resist, and the tide will sweep you off your feet.

Allow, and the grace will carry you to higher ground.

The only safety lies in letting it all in - 

the wild and the weak -

fear, fantasies, failures, and success.

When the loss rips off the doors of the heart

or sadness veils your vision with despair,

practice becomes simply bearing the truth.

In the choice to let go of your known way of being,

the whole world is revealed to your new eyes.

Love brought us here,

Anu Karoliina